My Youngest

There are five children that I am responsible for, three biological and two step children. My youngest is 18 months old.

Last year he spent 6 weeks in the hospital with a lactose reaction and some kind of stomach bug at the same time. He couldn't process any protein, and therefore could not eat.

He almost died.

I wrote about that a while back, how I felt then, what my wife and I were going through watching what HE was going through...

I don't truly believe I ever got over it. I never moved past it. Some nights I wake up and I'm still in that hospital holding my little boy, fragile and tiny in my arms.

Now, if I could, I would spend every waking moment with that kid. Holding him and playing with him, just to make sure I never regret the time I have.

I don't think it's getting better. There are days when I'm reduced to a whimpering girl if I hear a baby crying in the grocery store.

I can't really talk to my wife about it. I don't have problems like this. I solve problems like this.

I love my wife, and without her during that hospital stay... I just don't know what would have happened. 

I'm sure that sooner or later I won't be so worried. I won't crumple when I hear a screaming kid, or drop when I see my son pout out his bottom lip. The sooner the better.